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Topic: Author:
Female
Fr. China
Topic: they want to buy bill,what shall i do

.i am chinese woman,when i hang out with foreigners,whoever girl or guy they always want to pay for my drink,sometimes they are younger than me.It is no reason to receive goods from other people,unless they can give me a good reason and even i know there is a reason but if they do ont say it,i would not accept,but if someone is my boyfriend of course i will accept in case that there is no AA between us.

23 Sep 2011
Male
Fr. Germany
Reply Top | Bottom
Maybe they want to be your boyfriend?

Next time tell them you invite them...and if they are not completely new to China they should know about "fighting" to pay...
23 Sep 2011


Female
Fr. China
Reply Top | Bottom
fighting to pay, hahahah that's really funny, really traditional chinese
23 Sep 2011


Male
Fr. United States
Reply Top | Bottom
Yes, I understand! sent you a WOX mail.
23 Sep 2011


Male
Fr. United Kingdom
Reply Top | Bottom
Next time, say you'd like to pay before you order. Most people shouldn't have a problem as long as they get a chance to pay later.

Ps. I'll have a red wine, thank you very much!
23 Sep 2011


Male
Fr. Australia
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Stop thinking like a Chinese. If you go out with a person from a Western country, often it is our custom to pay. If it is a guy maybe he has romantic intentions or just being polite. If it is a girl maybe she is being polite. Or, we feel because we earn more money than the average Chinese, we feel some obligation to pay. As a Western male, I do not give a **** about "face". It is irrelevant in 2011. If you reject a person from a Western country who has offered to pay for your meal or drink, we may feel insulted, but not loss of face, because the "face" bull**** is irrelevant in the Western world. We just get on with life, seldom, if ever, hold a grudge. The world is full of wankers with fragile egos . . . that is precisely how I view the "face" thing, in Asia . . . fragile ****ing egos.
23 Sep 2011


Male
Fr. Germany
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^^^I beg to differ. I care about face, because I am in China and it's a big part of the culture here. If I wouldn't care, my wife and her family would hate me, and I wouldn't be able to continue doing business with Chinese people anymore...

You have called all Chinese people racist before...now they also have "fragile ****ing egos"...you must really hate living here?!
23 Sep 2011


Male
Fr. Canada
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Let them buy you the first round of drinks then if you wish to stay and talk longer you can offer to pick-up the next round. Even Steven.
23 Sep 2011


Male
Fr. Greenland
Reply Top | Bottom
"cool" cassidy.

you are on the contrary side of what i call a successful immigration process. top bottom disappointing stage. so, be happy, there is hope. it can only get better from now on. you will see.
23 Sep 2011


Male
Fr. United States
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When I start agreeing with Carlito....All I can say, don't EVER live in Japan then!
23 Sep 2011


Male
Fr. Holy See (City Vatican State)
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Xiamen summer... you are living a dream, everybody wants to pay your bills... want a tip? let them do it!! lol

But now seriously, to me it always worked when they got seriously angry about letting them pay... you better let them... try it!
24 Sep 2011


Male
Fr. United Kingdom
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@ Cassidy photography. You may have a point but you made it in a really disrespectful way. Foreigners have a face thing too but we just call it by different names.

For example...

You are in a business meeting and your boss yells at you and a Chinese colleague. Your Chinese colleague says 'I've lost face amongst my other colleagues' and you say 'I'm so humiliated'.

And...

On the way out of that meeting you and your Chinese colleagues pants simultaneously fall down. Your Chinese colleague says 'I've lost face again'. You say 'I'm so embarrassed'.

We've all got fragile egos but so what?
24 Sep 2011


Male
Fr. Australia
Reply Top | Bottom
Carlito . . . I suppose you have also taken up pissing on a bush beside the roadway or hacking and spitting on the footpath?

I first came in 1985 . . . then again, February 2007, May 2007, and went to live in the sophisticated, multi-cultural, cosmopolitan city of Shanghai, where nearly every man and his son are either picking their noses while seated in their Mercedes-Benz, or hacking and spitting into the street, alongside taxi drivers. Crude and ignorant, regardless of their wealth.

Otto . . . Just because some aspect of this ancient culture is objectionable, should I merely shrug my shoulders and accept that is the way it is or, tell the ignorant bastard pissing beside the roadway or hacking and spitting onto the footpath "boo (Casper-style) hao". Hopefully, making him stop and think about it. Recently, one pisser, I pointed to the nearby toilet AND, he stopped pissing, zipped and acknowledged its existence. They can be educated. So, do not accept their poor behaviours. Try to raise the living standard in China, one person at a time . . . not just try to grab as much cash from them as possible, because they desperately need your expertise or experience.

Laowai . . . Next time you are queued up and some peasant pushes you out of the way to be number one, because they have this "me first, screw you" attitude, or someone passing in the opposite direction looks you in the eye and spits on the footpath to show his disdain, or someone is doing re-construction on their apartment at 22:00, tell me they are not rude and disrespectful . . . even to their own darker-skinned Chinese.

To me, I do not equate humiliation nor embarrassment to loss of face . . . Theirs is more deeply rooted. If I should be in such position to be humiliated or embarrassed, I probably have soon forgotten it. The Asian cultures would likely kill another person over loss of face, if they could get away with it. They certainly hold a grudge. Sooner or later will try to get even.

By the way, I have lived or stayed at extended lengths in most countries, throughout Asia.

They get what they give. I once was a China lover. They could do no wrong, in my book.
24 Sep 2011


Male
Fr. United Kingdom
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@ CP

I can relate to you, I really can. Despite your comments having a lot of truth, you make them in an angry and insulting way, which isn't good.

I've lived in China continuously for the past 11.5 years and believe me, whatever you have experienced, I've probably experienced it more.

I used to live in another country (that I won't mention) and at one stage reached the point where I just couldn't stand that country any more. I really, really hated it and was miserable. I think that's where you are now and the only way to regain your sanity is to leave. Don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just telling you what I think based on my own previous experience.
24 Sep 2011


Male
Fr. Switzerland
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@ cassidy_photography

well said..i agree with all points.... i could not have said it better myself..
24 Sep 2011


Male
Fr. Australia
Reply Top | Bottom
Loawai . . . angry and insulting comments? I am not angry, at all. IF, I was the angry type, I would be like so many laowei whom end up in fights over some transgression. That is not me. I have not been angry in years. Insulting? Should I be complimentary and effusively flattering about the heathen hoard, when I see them urinating, defecating, picking their noses, or spitting on the footpath, in public? That would not sit well in Singapore, for example.

Is the Singaporean government also, angry and insulting or do they fully appreciate such behaviours by these uncivilised types as the cause of spreading diseases, such as turberculosis or streptococcus pneumoniae?

I will bet you just enjoy when some grub invades your personal space to rub elbows with you, at the bank teller. Patience is a virtue (old Chinese proverb), everywhere except China.

I am not unhappy nor miserable, in China. I just do not tolerate deliberate stupidity, lack of common sense, people whom take no initiative, people whom will do a task only one way, though inefficient or risking safety and never consider other possibilities, saving face (lying), nor being cheated 1 renminbi.

It is a matter of educating them, one person at a time. Compliments and flattery does not work.

Again, I was Mr. Nice Guy and a true China lover, like some of you, here, that troll these forums. The Chinese see a person who is too nice, though professional, as being a weak person and to be manipulated and taken advantage of.

No more Mr. Nice Guy.
24 Sep 2011


Female
Fr. China
Reply Top | Bottom
humility. This is word .Think about it!
24 Sep 2011


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