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Chinese netizens poke fun at catfight between Qihoo 360 and Tencent QQ

Updated: 05 Nov 2010
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The war between QQ and 360 continues.
 
The latest conflict broke out on November 3, 2010, so far the most serious retaliation. Tencent published an open letter in the evening on November 3 saying QQ will stop working on all systems that run 360. The news caused uproar in the world. 360 indicated that the users need not worry and promised that users will be able to run both QQ and 360. Then 360 launched WEBQQ client, and issued an urgent request, calling for all users to stop using QQ for three days. Tencent then immediately stopped user from using and downloading WEBQQ.
 
Subsequently, Tencent announced three major terms of settlement, requesting 360 to uninstall Koukou Bodyguard and privacy protection. But 360 is still quietly promoting Koukou Bodyguard offline. Two company leaders also stated that the conflict cannot be easily resolved. Ma Huateng published an open letter to all his employees that the battle will continue, and Tencent must be the ultimate winner. Zhou Honggi posted angrily on his Sohu micro-blog saying Tencent must pay for being the “evil bully”. 360 issued a statement at 4 am said, “Not going to compromise to hegemony.” This fiasco is affecting more people than ever in the history of China’s Internet.
 
QQ’s first letter started like this:
 
Dear QQ users:
 
When you read this letter, we have just made a very difficult decision. Before 360 stops attacking QQ and maliciously slandering, we decided to stop running QQ software on any computer with 360 installed. We know this will cause you some inconvenience, we sincerely apologize, and writing down the reasons of the decision below, hoping for your understanding and support.
 
When the Chinese internet users saw this letter, it blew up on twitter. The “lonely” netizens poked fun of the passage and each came up with their adaptation of the QQ’s letter.   Let me show you a few:
 
RT @whshang: Dear Twitter users: When you read this letter, we have just made a very difficult decision. Before GFW stops resetting Twitter connections, we decided to stop Sina Micro-blog service on any computer that has “software enables to get over the wall” installed.
 
RT @cnyaoying: Dear Chinese sewage oil users: When you read this letter, we have just made a very difficult decision. Before you stop using PetroChina and Sinopec gas station, we decided to stop servicing all private cars at PetroChina and Sinopec gas stations.
 
RT @Satantara: Microsoft ChinaDear Windows usersWhen you read this letter, we have just made a very difficult decision. Before you stop using Google search engine and iTunes, we decided to stop running Windows on any computer that uses Google or has iTunes installed.
 
RT @JobsInChinese: Dear iPhone usersWhen you read this letter, we have just made a very difficult decision. Before you stop using iPhone to connect Google services (search, Gmail, calendar etc.), We refuse to have iPhone working in your hands.
 
RT @h9b8‎: Dear husband: When you read this letter, I have just made a very difficult decision. Before you stop having mistresses and using sex services, I decided to suspend all services provided to you, flirting, fondling and sex etc.
 
RT @yancaiwm:  Dear McDonald’s  customers: When you read this letter, we have just made a very difficult decision. Before we provide you with a Big Mac, we decided to pull out the Colonel KFC chicken from your mouth.
 
RT @reformism: Dear Durex usersWhen you read this letter, we have just made a very difficult decision. Before you stop using Jissbon, Okamoto, Sixth Sense, Real Man and the Family Planning shoddy condoms, we decided to poke a hole on all the products we sell you.  
 
Feel free to write your version in the comments !!!
 
Here are some more jokes selected from Sina Micro-blog:
 
Have you ever seen McDonald’s not allowing customers to buy KFC? Have you ever seen Canon not allowing customers to buy Nikon lens? Have you ever seen Adidas force customer to take their Nike pants off? Have you ever seen Apple not letting you install windows? This is my computer!!! My own! Not going to stop using and installing when you say so! Is your dad Li Gang?
 
Can we understand this? Choosing 360 is because it can scan for virus, therefore we allow it to enter our system, just like nanny can enter our room to clean; choosing QQ is because it enables you to communicate, just like having a driver is convenient for transportation. So, why does my driver need to enter my room? And you also threatened me that if I don’t dismiss my nanny, you will drive off with my Mercedes.
 
The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, it’s when your computer has 360 installed and my computer has QQ installed…
   
More information (in Chinese)
 
 
 
“Very difficult decision” quickly became the popular Internet phrase. More funny adaptation of it gathered from the Internet:
 
 
It says "my dad is Li Gang!”
 
 
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